The company Energy Transition Zone (ETZ) and Aberdeen City Cooncil plan to shoot a courtroom thriller about the upcoming judicial review challenging their plans to develop St Fittick’s Park in Torry. An ETZ spokesperson stated that they are working with little known director Stefan Spiedleborg to turn the story into a thrilling tale of corporate interest bravely facing off against a small community’s greed for greenspace.
“We’re thinking Erin Brockovich meets All the President’s Men meets My Cousin Vinny. But this time the right guys win out. We’re sick of seeing small communities using our legal system to run ramshod over big business. Did you know that Erin Brockovich wasn’t even a lawyer in real life? Neither was Julia Roberts who played her. We’re not even sure if that’s her real hair. We want to set the record straight.”
The judicial review court case is being taken forward by Govan Law Centre challenging the proposed development of St Fittick’s Park for an as yet unspecified “renewable energy transition zone”. The challenge is being made on the grounds that there was no equality assessment of the proposed development, which threatens to remove the last remaining greenspace in the economically deprived area of Torry. There are also claims of a conflict of interest by Aberdeen City Council as partners in the development and the body responsible for approving it.
An Aberdeen City Cooncil representative stated they were also excited about the project:
“We’re really lucky to have secured renowned Tik Tok hedgehog fancier Stefan Spiedleborg to direct the project. He’s no relation to his more famous counterpart Stephen Spielberg, but Stefan’s cousin’s friend did once see Spielberg in a bathroom in Cannes. He asked for Spielberg’s autograph but Spielberg declined. We think the project is going to be big.”
The chairman of ETZ oil billionaire and world’s narrowest man Sirian Woodenhead will take a starring role in the film. An ETZ spokesperson stated:
“Sirian has great creative instincts. He came up with the line “You can’t handle the truth!” to shout in the courtroom when asked about the lack of equality assessment. All the Aberdeen City Cooncil lackies and underlings agreed it was totally original and without precedent.”
The spokesperson stated they will film scenes in St Fittick’s Park before the court case.
“We’re thinking the film’s villains will be the wildlife in the park: the thousands of migratory birds, the waterfowl, the mammals, songbirds and insects who are using up a key strategic corporate zone. Did you know deer poo outside? They’re literally animals. It’s in the name: wildlife. These guys have got to be stopped!”
The judicial review will be heard in the Edinburgh court of sessions on 29th July 2024.